


In Orbit Around the Same Star

by doctor_bitchcraftt



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Friendship/Love, Introspection, Love, M/M, POV Alternating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-14 15:17:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18478891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctor_bitchcraftt/pseuds/doctor_bitchcraftt
Summary: Anonymous prompt - "Adore finally realises she wants Bianca and stops sleeping around; Bianca accepts what she’s been trying to run from, that she’s always loved Adore"Moved from A Clownfish and A Mermaid because it deserves its own story.





	In Orbit Around the Same Star

**Author's Note:**

> Whew, this one took more out of me than I thought; it stays just inside the boundary of my canon-compliant writing rules. While it follows the exact language of the request, It's probably not *quite* what it looks like.

She's going to be thirty this year.  

It’s...very that.

She used to think that her life began with Idol, but really, it started at twenty three when she walked into the workroom, and skyrocketed at twenty four when Adore Delano eclipsed Danny Noriega.

Her twenties were filled with partying hard, thrilled by running reckless.  Sometimes too hard and too wild, because she couldn’t stop to think about that or why and what she was running from.  

She thinks about Michelle holding her together by the thinnest threads in Europe, when her own mother would have been horrified by her behavior.  Some of it’s hazy, and some of it she can’t remember at all.  She tries not to think about how badly it could have ended.

Adore knows how incredibly lucky she is to not have caused any permanent damage (she’s carefree but never  _careless_  when someone else is intimately involved).  

She also knows that it’s due in a large part to having people who reeled her in, anchored her when she started to (or did) go too far.  

She thinks about her sisters, the closest members of her drag family (and honestly, real family now).  Considers the three people constantly speaking across thousands of miles, texting good morning from wherever they are in the world that day.  Three people who have her back even when she’s in the wrong - and oh, do they let her know it privately - and who she can count on to rescue her from herself.

********

Bianca is, if nothing else, exceedingly self-aware.  Painfully so, even, about things like her need to be in control, to grasp onto order instead of chaos.    

 _"I like work because that's the only thing I have control_   _of,"_ she told an interviewer back in 2015, answering a question about what she valued most in life. _"I can't be in control of anything else.  I can't control if I'm in a relationship, I can't control when someone dies, but I can control my work ethic and keep plowing and going through it."_

She (aside from a few notable exceptions) has always lived life carefully, weighing outcomes and consequences and never risking more than she thought she could lose.  Always kept faithfully to her commitments, even at the cost of too little sleep and no time for anything besides work.  Always been the steady, reliable one that her friends know they can turn to when their own lives are in disarray for a sarcastic comment followed by deep compassion. 

********

Adore is beyond grateful for being able to lean on Bianca’s strength when she doesn’t trust her own.  

Bianca, so grounded in who she (and he) is that she has no problem helping others.  Giving and kind to strangers and acquaintances alike, the first to lend her makeup and earrings to other queens, to fix a wig or a torn seam, greeting fans with a smile and always willing to take a photo. 

Honest and sharp, but never cruel or unnecessary with her criticism.

Bianca, who doesn’t think twice about offering to pay for things her friends need (Adore’s hair, Jiggly’s teeth), not to flaunt her wealth but because her bank account isn’t as important as her friends’ health and happiness.

Bianca, whose door is always open no matter the time of night or day or the space beyond midnight but before dawn.  Who lets Adore wake her up with a phone call or drunken knocking, lets her cling to her unshakable steadiness, listens no matter how ridiculous or cringe worthy the subject.  

Bianca, the brilliant comic who laughs at all of her jokes, even when they’re not actually funny.  Her surprisingly high-pitched giggles and wicked cackle are wonderful, and earning a full body, head thrown back laugh always feels like an accomplishment.

She’s never demanded anything in return, not for her corset and not for her time.  Doesn’t even seem comfortable with being thanked, as if she feels like the things she does are a matter of course and she's just paying it forward. 

(The corset is still in Adore's closet, together with her black sequined finale dress.)

Bianca, who would give and give of herself until she’s exhausted because she can’t  _not_  help.  Who would drop everything if Adore or Courtney or so many other of their sisters was in need.  

Her capacity to love is deeper than anyone else Adore has ever met, even if it's cloaked in pithy comments and exasperated eyerolls.

********

Bianca has said time and again that winning Drag Race at thirty eight meant something completely different than if she had been twenty.  Some days even thirty five feels ridiculously far away, when so much has changed since.  She's gone from trying to keep a crowd's attention in nightclubs to sold out stages worldwide with fans who only speak a little bit of English wildly chanting her name, unable to even go to Starbucks without someone recognizing her face.

More than anything else, Drag Race taught her that even she still had room to grow and learn.  

Before the workroom, she would have laughed outright if anyone had told her she would become the closest of friends with someone almost a decade and a half younger.  She’s watched Adore live her life intensely, sometimes recklessly, sometimes without considering what could happen.  Has helped pick up the pieces when it went wrong.  Learned that the hardest thing sometimes is to let her, because it's not fair to take the experiences or decisions away.

The most striking thing is that despite being at very different stages of life, despite the occasionally naive and overconfident blunders, Adore fits neatly into all of the places that were empty before, including the things she didn't even realize were missing.  She's a juxtaposition of mercurial mood and rebellious nature with a very old soul whose depth sometimes leaves Bianca speechless.  Fearless and fun, and busy dragging everyone else in along with her. 

Before Adore, she thinks she almost forgot what it was like to live in the moment, too busy staying busy to ever slow down.

********

Adore thinks about how they gravitate towards each other when they’re both in the same place.  Looks at photos of them holding hands or hugging on stage, and realizes that it feels so natural she doesn’t even notice .  She thinks about how they constantly stay in physical contact, never any concept of personal space between them and never aware of its absence.

Bianca gives the best hugs because she uses her whole body.  Hugs that remind and constantly surprise Adore with how much strength is in her deceptively slim build.  

If she closes her eyes when Bianca’s arms are around her, she can feel the energy of a contained tidal wave, a force of nature that, once its path is clear, stops for nothing.  And in the face of that power, she never feels anything but safe.

********

Bianca is tactile herself (even if she denies it on stage) and understands the need for touch.  She doesn't shy away from reaching for a fan's hand or giving hugs, because she's still a little in awe that all of that energy and excitement is for her. 

Physical affection for her friends is so much a part of her that she doesn’t even register it half the time, sharing seats in clubs or lounging together on a hotel bed to read texts.  It’s even more pronounced with Adore, always seeking out the other’s warmth and stability, two planets in orbit around the same star.

********

Adore loves Bianca’s sharp tongue and intelligence, how she can look at a piece of fabric and already know exactly what she’ll make out of it.  

Loves how she carries herself in a gown, how her makeup is over the top and the skill it takes to paint that way.  

Loves her work ethic and dedication to the craft.

Loves how she can command a stage and the rapt attention of thousands.

Loves her self-deprecation while insisting that Bianca Del Rio isn’t meant to be beautiful or sexy, when she manages to do both.

******** 

Bianca has loved Adore for years.  

It's neither unexpected nor something she's ashamed of; Adore is ridiculously easy to love. 

People the world over have fallen for her expressive eyes and unceasing energy, her relatable manner of speaking liberally sprinkled with expletives, her wide smile and captivating voice.  Listening to her sing, wrapping her voice around each word, is hypnotic and even Bianca catches herself caught under her spell.

She probably (definitely) loves Adore a little more than the rest of her sisters, a fact that isn't lost on their friends (or legions of fans, apparently).  

********

Adore has always been a little in love with Bianca.

She’s referred to her more than once as the love of her life, in complete seriousness no matter how many hashtags follow the statement.

She thinks a lot about how Bianca looks out for her, calls her “my angel” and “my love”.  Is afraid to believe that it’s any different than the way Bianca loves and touches her other friends.  Worse, she worries that her jokes about their age difference and playing up their quasi mother-daughter relationship means Bianca will only ever think of Adore as a (her) child.

********

She's always going to try to take care of Adore, the same as with any of her friends.  There’s definitely the slightly maternal aspect of watching her grow as both a queen and a person.  But she's also always going to see her as more than just an adopted drag daughter.    

It's complicated. 

She worries that Adore is serious when she tells fans, "Bianca is like my second mom."  Worries that she'll always be only the protective shoulder to cry on and give advice, the friend to go out to the club with, a beloved older sibling but never to  _love._

Watching Adore asleep beside her, Courtney and Darienne on the other bed in her London hotel room, she isn't sure why that thought bothers her so much.  Not when the peaceful sense of stillness is lulling her into slumber.

Shethinks about the age difference, how sometimes it’s painfully obvious that Adore isn’t settled into who she is and where she’s going yet.  Thinks about how it took most of her thirties before she met a twenty three year old queen with three wigs, clearance special dresses, and a passion for life that reminded her how much she’d walled herself off.

Adore is turning thirty this year, and Bianca is on the wrong side of forty.    

********

Adore isn’t sure how to manage love on its own, not this kind.  In her world, love beyond family has always been connected to sex - passionate, out of this world hot or intensely sweet or comfortably intimate.  And sex by itself is easy, is fun, no feelings other than a mutual interest in wringing as much pleasure as possible from the encounter, sharing the thrill and comfort of touch.

Loving someone so deeply without an intimate physical relationship is completely different, never mind that it's tangled up in what's probably one of the most profound relationships of her life.

Adore hasn't done commitment lately because she doesn’t want even the slightest urge to be unfaithful if her attention wanders. It’s not that she wouldn’t give up her bed-hopping; it’s just that everyone is so unique, so many beautiful opportunities to discover someone new, that it would be unfair to promise something she can’t keep.  She doesn’t want to burn down relationships, has tried the long distance thing, but being on separate continents was too difficult even with FaceTime and Skype and phone calls.

********

Bianca thinks about Adore casually kissing fans, kissing Courtney thank you for fixing a stray bobby pin, pouting together at the camera with their faces pressed close.  Thinks about how in all of the years, Adore has never kissed her on the mouth even as a joke no matter how much her inhibitions have been lowered.

She wonders if Adore knows what it does to her stomach sometimes when she climbs into her bed for drunken snuggles, handsy and loose-limbed.  Hates the twinge of guilt when she enjoys holding her after she passes out draped over her whole body.  

********

The thing is, Adore knows she would give up casual sex for Bianca.  At least she thinks she could, would try harder than for anyone else.  

Although it’s possible that they wouldn’t be compatible sexually, Adore dismisses that idea immediately.  Dick jokes aside, all of that focused attention would be overwhelming in the best possible way regardless of the activity.  If she's amazing as a friend, Adore is positive that Bianca would be (is) a generous and dedicated lover, committed to her (his) partner’s satisfaction.  

The problem is, it could never ever be uncomplicated for them.  

It’s not as simple as taking each other to bed when they’ve shared the covers on multiple occasions for years.  Often enough to fit their limbs together easily, Adore’s head on her shoulder, long enough that she knows exactly what Bianca sounds like when she snores.  

There’s no way that they could write it off as just a fuck between friends.  Adore falls hard and fast when she lets herself, and with Bianca who’s already seen her at her worst and still loves her...

Bianca calls her fearless.  In ninety-nine percent of situations, that’s definitely the case, even when it’s unwise.  This though?  Adore won’t risk losing what they have now to take a chance on something that could very well destroy them both.

It’s not the thought of asking for a relationship that scares her.  It’s the possibility that Bianca isn’t, wouldn’t, couldn’t be interested in her that way.  Or most devastatingly, the possibility that it would work for a while but ultimately fail.  

She doesn’t want to think about no longer being able to casually hold hands, of bringing awkwardness to the space between them.  Can’t imagine Bianca not letting her cuddle close or the easy afternoons spent together in comfortable silence.  Feels her stomach clench considering what it would be like to lose the open invitation to share Bianca’s space.

More than any danger to herself, she’s absolutely terrified of what she could do to Bianca. Bianca, who commits to the things she deems worthy with intensity and complete seriousness.  Who pours her entire heart into loving someone (she’s seen it).  Adore is acutely aware of how easy it would be to hurt her (hurt him). And Bianca would let her, might even forgive her, but Adore would never forgive herself.

She’s never wanted to cause pain to past boyfriends, but that’s nothing in comparison.  

Adore doesn’t ever want their relationship to become something she has to write songs about, trying to excise the pain of loss.

Bianca always says she's gotten serious relationships out of her system, but what Adore knows she means is that she doesn't have the time and energy to learn someone new, not with her work commitments.   

She thinks about how Bianca is constantly in motion, always working, ready to move onto the next project.  Thinks that maybe it means she’s running away from something too, but can’t imagine what she could ever be afraid of. 

********

Bianca has been in a little bit in love with Adore for years, even if she was barely willing to admit it in the privacy of her own thoughts.   

They’re not the type of friends who could add sex as just another benefit, because all of the other aspects of the relationship so far outweigh getting off together that sex doesn't even feel like it's missing.  As far as Bianca can tell, the two of them are closer than most couples she knows precisely  _because_  there isn’t fucking involved.

She’s told interviewers that she doesn’t have time for a boyfriend, that no one would put up with her constant traveling.

She’s also made red-eye flight detours to see Adore when their engagements have taken them to different parts of the world.  

Bianca is very conscious of her focus on things she commits to.  If she’s going to do something, anything, she (he) is going to do it  _right_.  

Paying careful attention to every small detail of her drag from hairline to padding and cinching and deliberate costume design, even as she’s creating an exaggerated female presence.  

Organizing her supplies the same way every time so that she’s never the queen who forgets something.

Spoiling and surprising her friends, because they matter.

Loving Adore.

********

Adore isn’t ready to tell Bianca, not yet.  Their friendship is more than enough. And really, she thinks Bianca probably already knows, the same way she knows everything else about her.

 


End file.
